I know that you might think just because someone is a health coach, nutritionist, fitness fanatic, bodybuilder, dancer, athletic liaison, means that they are extremely healthy and they know exactly what they are doing.
While this in some cases may be true, we all go through some really dark patches to get to a healthy place. I want to talk about something really serious today that involves my faith, eating struggles, and many other issues and battles that I have faced during my health and fitness journey. I do not have a full fitness transformation journey on my blog because I am not done growing yet. It will always be a journey. However, this is a topic that is near to my heart and if it can help many women or even men find peace and freedom from dieting or weight loss obsession, then let it be so.
Disclaimer: Some of the topics in this post will include faith, Jesus, eating disorders, obsession, and other topics that can be ‘controversial’. This is just my story and I wanted to share it with you.
The Beginning:
Okay so let’s start from the beginning. I wanted to start this blog because I had started to have a passion for plant-based living/eating and how it has helped me feel great and have love in my heart for animals and people. I became plant-based because I felt it was only right to do so when aligning what the bible says to diet,
Genesis 1:29 “And God said, “See, I have given you every herb that yields seed which is on the face of all the earth, and every tree whose fruit yields seed; to you it shall be for food.”
If you have been on my blog before, then you know that I usually put scriptures at the bottom of my posts, but have never truly talked about this aspect before. When I started the blog, I was going to focus on writing round-up recipe post( like my popular ‘ Vegan Snack Post’) because of this I saw tons of delicious (fatty and high calorie) vegan foods that I wanted to try.
So I started eating more processed vegan food and boy did I feel crummy. After being ‘vegan’ for about 3 years, and in denial that it was the quality of food that I was eating, I started eating small amounts of fish and dairy. After this, I started to gain weight because I didn’t have the entire concept of calories in vs calories out. Just because something is vegan does not mean it is healthy!
I gained about 10 lbs from January 2019 to the summer of 2019 which is a lot for me when you consider a 5’1 girl of a normally small frame. You combine the excess calories I was consuming with the drastic change of a highly active job to a new work at home desk job, it’s quite different! I didn’t understand this at the time but wanted to start looking at how to lose weight.
The issues….
I became obsessed with information, food, fad diets, intense exercise, and many other things that were throwing me off (possibly my hormones and stress levels too!) From this, I started experimenting in August of 2019 different diets and started to get more ‘serious’ about losing weight and eating better. However, by ‘eating better’, I got sucked into more fad diets like keto, high carb, low carb, etc. Because of my obsession with weight loss and living a ‘healthy’ lifestyle, I started to direct my blog towards it because I wanted to share everything that I had learned! However, this is where I also went wrong by not following my own advice. I knew so many things but couldn’t quite follow them myself.
In August, I was following weird fad diets, started to overthink about food, restrict tons of things, stop eating through the week and binge on the weekends, and then overcompensate with exercise. I would then get so stressed out and fatigued, that I would give up on my weight loss efforts when I didn’t see the numbers changing on the scale or I saw my ‘ideal’ weight but then it would fluctuate (by the way totally normal!).
I was frustrated and just decided that this was how I was going to be and didn’t want to change it or felt that I couldn’t change how I was; “ I’m always going to be addicted to sugar, bread, etc”. However, I look back on this and think of how foolish I truly was. I kept binging on junk food (mainly on the weekends because of restricting week), scolding myself, and then feeling depressed. It was an incredibly sad time and I never gave it to God because I was embarrassed.
Then one day, I watched a testimony video about this girl who had a binge and purge eating disorder and was healed by God (Linked at the end). I realized He was reaching out to me through that video. He knew I was hurting and that I was obsessed with eating and everything health and fitness related and not on the things of above. After that, I prayed harder than I had in a very long time asking Him to forgive me for my sinful behavior and not focusing on Him enough or asking Him for help. I kept looking everywhere else I could other than the One, I needed to ask the most, Jesus! He is the only One who can heal our issues and problems. If you have a problem, take it to God and He will help you overcome it. Jesus came for the sinners,
Luke 5:32, “I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.”
Mark 2:17 says “When Jesus heard it, He said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.”
I had to trust in Him to deliver me from this disordered eating that I was having and to fix my mental health. Jesus worked in me throughout quarantine and healed me. He showed me videos on YouTube and helped me realize how much I wasn’t focusing on Him.
I came across a channel by a guy named Coach Greg back in April. He knocked sense into me and I am positive that it was Jesus who worked through him to get to me… It was crazy because just like that I changed immediately. I took a long break from this blog because I really needed to focus on my relationship with God to heal me so I can better help you.
He showed me that I was focusing too much on health and fitness and that there was a deeper issue going on that I had no idea about. These deeper issues or my ‘need’ for food stemmed from boredom, social anxiety, and not being close enough to Jesus. My boredom was a result of sitting down all day and not knowing what to do except eat! I had to find some fun new hobbies to fill my time, I even went back to serving at my restaurant when it opened back up again and feel so much better. I needed to keep myself busy and I wasn’t doing that. One of the reasons why I wasn’t doing it, was because of the weather and not being discipline or ‘comfortable’ enough.
Another reason I wasn’t keeping myself busy was my social anxiety. Being afraid to go out and be around people (pre-COVID), I asked God to heal this, and He has done so. I am not afraid of people but see everyone as His child and my sister or brother. The last important issue I needed to fix was to get close to God again. I had strayed from Him and did not have a great relationship with Him when I was trying to fill my mind with things that were not from above. I filled my mind with health obsession from YouTube, the blog, Pinterest… anywhere I could.
Once I decided to cut out all the distractions (I even stopped drinking so much coffee!), I felt free. I was focused on something other than myself that was healing me. Since Jesus healed me, I can’t go back to how I was because He is so good. Everything He has done for me has helped me so much and I just want others to feel the same.
So what did I do and how am I doing now?
I do not have an obsession with food, health, fitness like I did before/ during the beginning of covid. I do not have social anxiety, and I am a lot less bored, happier and so thankful. I have more hobbies now and get excited to see what God has in store for me every day.
I was able to get out of the mindset I had before by calorie counting and tracking that way with no restrictions. I focused/focus on eating nutrient-dense foods and can listen to when I am hungry and when I am full now.
But it TAKES TIME.
I tracked meticulously from April to the beginning of July so I could get used to how I felt on different amounts of calories and understanding macronutrients and protein intake, and just how many calories are in the cookies I just ate.
All of this was critical to my health and overcoming my overeating behavior. It also helped get rid of cravings and allowed me to be better with portion sizing. It can be another addicting thing to do, so I recommend being careful with this method and not letting it get to your head. I also wore my Fitbit and went for a nice nature walk for 1 hour every day (I still do this!). It has destressed my body, my mind, and has allowed me to now be an ‘intuitive’ eater! I still have issues sometimes, but I ask God to help me with them.
Some more verses for some encouragement and other verses that I think of often that I love:
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” Philippians 4:13
“ And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.” Matthew 21:22
“ Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;” Philippians 4:6
The entire chapter (not to long!) of 1 Peter 5 is very good and humbling as well. You may be attacked by the evil one but if you are vigilant and trust in Jesus, you will be okay.
That is the story of how God healed my eating disorder. By praying and asking for Him to heal me and make me see, I was able to be free of all the negative thoughts I had before. I encourage you to look deeper into why you are having body issues, binging, and be honest with yourself. Write out ways to fix those ‘voids’.
There will be lots of praying for everyone who reads this post and hope that it has blessed you and made you feel like you are not alone. I will link some of coach Greg’s videos that helped me overcome my binges with the help of God. Greg also is the one who got me into calorie counting. God bless you all, amen!
TLDR: I asked God to heal me, became closer with Him. After I became close with Him, He revealed that I had been eating because of deeper issues like boredom, social anxiety, and my relationship with Jesus. It will be different for everyone, but if you ask Him to help you, He will. Below are some videos that healed me that Jesus showed me.
video resources:
Eating disordered cured video:
xoxo
Dacia w.
Ps. if you ever need to talk about what’s going on in your health journey, don’t be afraid to message me on Facebook. I will get notified and try to get back to you quickly.
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